


there is a light, don't let it go out

by eliizabethyork



Series: within you, the light of a thousand suns [1]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: And She Runs their Lives, Clay and Justin get a baby sister, Completely Ignoring Season 4 and parts of 3, F/M, IDK A Season 4, It's what we all need after season 4, M/M, Not that they are complaining, So much family fluff my teeth hurt, Some angst, The Jensens Have a Baby, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliizabethyork/pseuds/eliizabethyork
Summary: Lainie reveals that she is pregnant and Clay and Justin are going to have a baby sister.Absolute, wonderful chaos follows as the Jensen family prepares for the new arrival.
Relationships: Jessica Davis/Justin Foley, Justin Foley & Clay Jensen, Lainie Jensen/Matt Jensen
Series: within you, the light of a thousand suns [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794196
Comments: 15
Kudos: 128





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: Let me make this clear. I have not seen season 4 of the show, and I do not plan on watching it. I was spoiled on Justin’s ending and well, the writers made a stupid-ass decision and I have elected to ignore it. So please enjoy this syrupy sweet alternate ending to Thirteen Reasons Why.

.

.

“I’m pregnant.” 

The spoon fell from Justin’s hand and clattered back into his bowl with a loud crack, spraying milk all over the table. 

Lainie dived for the paper towels before the milk could spatter off of the table and Justin hurried to help her, mumbling apologies that she waved away. When Justin looked back at Clay, he hadn’t moved from his seat, his mouth still hanging open in shock and Matt watching him rather worriedly. “Clay? Clay, are you there?” 

Justin tossed the sopping paper towels into the trash, turning around to retake his seat. Clay quickly shook his head, his eyes coming back into focus. “Yeah, uh, I’m fine. Aren’t you a little _old_ to be pregnant - ow!” Clay scowled, rubbing at the place on his leg where Justin had just kicked him. 

“Really, dude?” Justin frowned. 

Lainie’s hands quickly came up between the two of them. “Easy. And in answer to your question dear son of mine, _yes_ I am a little old. I’m forty-four and considered a geriatric pregnancy.” 

“Geriatric?” Justin wrinkles his nose. “Isn’t that like people who are seventy?” 

Matt snorted. “Well technically yes. But that’s not the term they really use anymore. It’s called ‘advanced maternal age’.” 

“Yes, anyone over thirty five is considered high risk,” Lainie settles back into her seat, reaching for her coffee. 

Justin glances to the counter and notices the normal canister of Folgers is now decaf. _Huh._ “How high risk?”

“Well,” Lainie glances at Matt, and then back at him. “There are more significant risks to the baby, and to myself. But I am healthy as a horse, my OB assured me that as long as I kept to a sensible diet and got plenty of rest then everything should be fine.” 

“That means -” Matt waves his fork in Lainie’s direction. “No more criminal cases for you.” 

Lainie’s eyebrows shot up. “ _No._ Shit - I mean, shoot, I never thought of that.” 

Clay chuckles, shoveling another forkful of eggs into his mouth. “I cannot see you not working in criminal court, Mom. You live for that stuff.” 

“And you two live for getting in trouble,” their mother retorts with a smile. “How about for the next six months you don’t get my blood pressure up?” 

“Never gonna happen,” Matt singsongs behind his toast, grunting when Clay kicks him in the knee. “Hey! Be nice to your father.” 

“My _old_ father,” Clay grins. “My old father and old mother who are going to have an _old_ baby.” He ducks when Lainie throws a forkful of scrambled egg at his face, the bit of food hitting the cabinet behind Clay’s head and sliding to the floor. 

“You’re cleaning that up.” 

Clay sputters in indignation. “You threw it!” But he does as he’s told, getting up and tossing the wad of egg into the trash with a paper towel. Justin watched this exchange quietly, picking at the gooey remains of his cereal with a spoon. 

The Jensens were having a baby. A _baby._ He’s never even...he’s never even seen a baby. Well that’s not true, he’s seen them in the grocery store and whenever he went for jogs. There’d be moms and dads that were jogging too, their babies safely tucked into their strollers. He’d never dare to try and take a peek, he’d never even _think -_

And now there was going to be a baby in the house. Wow, that was a scary concept. Babies were highly breakable, what if -- what if he fucked up and accidentally hurt her? What if he dropped her? What if --? 

“You okay, Justin?” 

The sound that leaves Justin’s mouth is more a grunt then a reply, and the corner of bread that Clay flicks at him bounces neatly off of his forehead and falls with a splat into the last dregs of his cereal. “Oh. Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinkin’.” 

“About that history paper you need to finish?” Matt inquires, a thick brow raised. “That you need to _start?”_

Justin scowled into his bowl and quickly nodded. “That’s right. I, uh, I’ll go work on it now.” He tried not to flinch when Lainie laid her hand on top of his. “I’m fine, Lainie. I’m fine.” 

“Leave your bowl, Clay will take care of it.” 

He’s already out of his seat when he hears the chairs being pushed out and Clay grumbling, “Clay takes care of everything!” Once up in his room, Justin does pull out his laptop but his outline on what was supposed to be two thousand words about Martha Washington is not the document he opens. 

-;

The weeks rattle by at an alarming rate. Christmas roars in and out, and on the early morning Justin isn’t sure why he’s surprised to find gifts with his name on them underneath the tree. “Here, open mine first!” 

Justin manages to catch the package that Clay throws at him without dropping and he eases himself down onto the couch to carefully work away the pretty red paper. “Jesus, Jensen, got enough tape on here?” 

“Shut up and just open it - here let me do it if you’re gonna be so slow!” Justin bats away his hands, and gives up, tugging at the paper and unearthing a sleek white box. 

When he lifts the lid, the first thing he sees is the sterling silver of the frame before his eyes settle on the smiling faces in the photograph. He remembers when the photograph was taken - it had been a good day and suddenly Tyler was there, snapping away with his camera. Justin hadn’t paid any attention to it at first, Tyler was always taking pictures of all the things around him, the little beings of light. “I paid Tyler to develop that in the college’s dark room. He actually said he would have done it that way anyway, that the photos were more authentic and valuable or - something. I dunno, I stopped listening halfway through.” 

Lainie and Matt wear the same expression of tenderness that Justin is not used to seeing reserved just for him. “Tyler’s very talented,” Matt’s finger strokes at the edge of the frame. “He’s going to school to become a photojournalist, right Clay?”

Clay shrugs. “I dunno, I think so.” Justin has a hard time peeling his eyes away from the gentle eyes and the relaxed grins of the people in the photo, despite the fact that they are right there with him in that room. “Can we put it on the mantle?” Clay’s hands are already delicately pulling the photo from his grip and Justin lets him, settling back on the floor as Clay climbs to his feet and pads over to the fireplace. “Where do you think it should go?” 

“Maybe next to the wedding photo?” Lainie suggests. 

Clay beams and does just that, moving the wedding photo over a little bit and angling the frame. “Perfect.” 

Justin watches as his folks move around him, chattering about breakfast and opening the rest of the presents after the meal. They had made the decision to go easy on how many gifts were exchanged this year because Justin had insisted on using his own money to purchase his own so only three were allotted to each of them, one from each member of the family. His eyes darted over to where the gifts from Matt and Lainie waited and he gently brushed his finger over the velvet bow that sat on top of one. 

His family moved into the kitchen to grab plates. They were going to eat on the floor by the tree, apparently it was a Jensen tradition for Christmas morning. Thanksgiving was at the dining room table, elegant and calm, while Christmas was messy and goofy and happy. But something didn’t feel right. Lainie suddenly made a noise, and darted out of the kitchen and down the hall, Clay left holding her plate like it was about to bite him. “Okay, what was that?” 

Matt chuckled, patting Clay’s shoulder. “That was the first round of morning sickness. You boys should get used to that. And the next time I send you to the grocery store? Stock up on ginger ale and peppermint tea.” 

“I think there’s some peppermint tea in the cupboard,” Clay began rooting around even before the words were out of his mouth. “Justin, can you get the honey?” 

“Uh, yeah.” Justin got to his feet and padded into the kitchen to join his family, accidentally elbowing Matt in his side in his haste to grab the small sticky bottle from the shelf. It suddenly occurred to him as he held the bottle that he had never actually had honey before. “What?” Clay was saying something. 

“Try it if you want,” Clay patiently repeated. 

Matt reached for another mug. “Here Justin, put it in some tea.” The teapot whistled as soon as the words left Matt’s mouth and he held out his hand for the honey. Justin handed it over and Matt poured two teaspoons into the cups before adding the teabags and then the hot water over the top. “Let it cool for a minute.” 

Justin did as he was instructed, blowing on the steaming liquid before taking a delicate sip. That was when he discovered he loved peppermint tea and he loved honey. “Holy shit.” Clay burst out laughing. “Why didn’t you ever give me this when I was barfing in your bedroom a year ago?” 

Clay shrugged. “I’m smart at academia, not common sense. Shut up Dad!” Matt covered up his smile with his hand, reaching for his abandoned coffee cup with the other. 

Lainie trotted back down the hallway then, blotting at her face with a wet washcloth. “What’s all the yelling about?” 

“We made you peppermint tea for your puking,” Justin offered up unhelpingly. 

Clay rolled his eyes and carefully passed the mug to his mother. “And Justin might be a tea whore.” 

Lainie’s eyes lit up. “You like tea, Justin?” 

“Uh, just this one so far,” Justin pointed at the mug in his hands, which was already half empty. “Why, are there other flavors?” 

Before he knew what was happening, Clay and Matt had retreated to the living room with their plates while Lainie opened up a cupboard he hadn’t paid attention to to reveal two shelves lined with different boxes and canisters of tea. “Earl Grey is the best, especially if it’s infused with lavender. And then there’s ginger tea, another for upset stomachs but also if you come home from basketball or football practice and you’re really sore? This helps unkink your muscles and relax so you can sleep.” 

“Really?” Justin liked the sound of that.

Lainie ended up with toast and the rest of her tea for breakfast, offering Justin her portions to which he happily took and they rejoined their family in the living room where the rest of the gifts were opened. He received a brand new Iphone from Matt and from Lainie, a beautiful deep emerald sweater that he had eyed in the window of a department store when she had dragged him and Clay out grocery shopping a few weeks ago. Clay had gotten an Iphone from Matt too and from Lainie, a new set of charcoals and blending stumps. The last gift was from him and Justin suddenly felt very self conscious as Clay carefully pulled the Star Wars themed paper from the box. 

“Look, I know you already have all of them on dvd but I thought that you’d like this because it’s full of extras and yes I know the sequels are shit but -- _oof!”_ Lainie gasped, grabbing up her tea before Clay could knock it over as he hugged him. Justin patted Clay on the back rather clumsily, trying to push his bony shoulder away from his own throat. “Dude, I can’t breathe.” 

His brother stumbled back, blushing a little. “Thanks, this is really nice.”

“You’re damn right it is,” Justin grinned. 

Matt and Lainie exchanged their gifts before Justin realized with horror that his were the only ones left. Clay had given his mother a really nice pair of earrings and his dad a new tie, probably to replace the one Justin had stolen and accidentally spilled spaghetti sauce on at the last basketball dinner. Justin started feeling rather nervous again as Matt and Lainie reached for the clumsily wrapped gifts from him. “You better not steal all my thunder because you’re the new baby,” Clay joked, ducking the punch Justin throws at his shoulder. 

Lainie gentle tore the paper from hers, her eyes widening when she saw the thick covered book. “ _Go Set A Watchman?_ How did you know about this book?” 

“I...uh...snooped through your office when we came to get you to go grocery shopping - the day that I saw this,” he gestures to the carefully folded sweater on the floor, the tips of his ears heating up. “I know I shouldn’t have but I saw that you had the other book, _Mockingbird,_ on your shelf and I thought you’d like this one. It’s supposed to be the earlier draft, right?”

Lainie nodded. “Yeah, it is. Justin, this is so thoughtful. Thank you so much.”

“Showoff,” Clay muttered. Justin succeeded this time in punching him. 

Justin had blanked on what to get Matt and had been too nervous to actually snoop in his office so he had ordered a really nice pen set from Amazon, to which Matt laughed at when he opened up. “You even made sure they were red for grading,” Matt reached out and gently clapped him on the shoulder. “I go through these like mad, this will definitely come in handy.” He flicks the pen through his fingers. “Thank you so much.”

His checking account balance was significantly lower now but Justin couldn’t really find it in him to care. The smiles on his family’s faces and later on Jess’ when she opened up the pearl drop necklace were enough. They were priceless. 

-;

The large stack of papers slapping down on the table in front of him was enough to send him right to the moon. “Jesus fuck!” Lainie gives him the epic ‘Mom stare’, a term that Clay had not so affectionately coined and he mumbles a quick apology. “What’s up, Lainie?” 

“We’re waiting for your brother,” Lainie replies, lowering herself down into the seat across from him. Her belly curves slightly against the soft silk of her shirt. He had seen pictures of Lainie when she was pregnant with Clay, and she didn’t get very big at all during that time either. “And your father too, come to think of it.” 

It was nearly six months now, and the house was already starting to fill up with baby supplies. A diaper tower had begun it’s ascent towards the roof in the living room, toys were stacking up in Matt’s office, which was already being slowly cleaned out to become the nursery in three months. As time went on, he was more comfortable with the fact that there would soon be another member of this family, that their little group would grow from four to five, but he was still scared. Of what, he wasn’t sure at all. 

Once Clay and Matt arrived and took their respective seats, Lainie pulled out a thick pamphlet of papers that was stabled together at the corner. “So your dad and I have done a lot of talking and we have made a decision about who would be this child’s guardian if anything were to happen to us.” 

“Same as us, right?” Clay asked. “Aunt Paige and uncle Harold?” Lainie’s sister and her husband, to which Justin had not met yet. 

Matt shook his head. “Actually, we’ve chosen different guardians.” His kind eyes softened and his gaze flickered between the two of them. “You boys.” 

Justin dropped his pen. Clay erupted into snorting laughter. “ _Us?”_ His hand flapped precariously back and forth between him and Justin. “That’s a great joke, Mom.” The ‘Mom Stare’ slid back onto Lainie’s face and the laughter immediately died. “You’re not joking.” 

Lainie looked unimpressed at her elder son. “It’s not a joke, Clay. I’ve already drawn up the necessary documents and they are ready for you and Justin to sign. If anything were to happen to your dad and I, your sibling would be in your shared custody. We want the three of you together and -” 

“Nothing is going to happen though, right?” Justin asked. 

Lainie’s eyes softened and she smiled reassuringly. “I certainly hope nothing will happen to us, but you know how life is. The both of you have much more experience in that manner than I had ever hoped you would. _But_ -” 

“Your mom and I are not going anywhere,” Matt interjected. “This is just a necessary precaution.” 

“But why not Paige and Harold?” Clay picked up the pen that Justin dropped. “Why us? We can barely take care of ourselves.” 

“He’s right,” Justin couldn’t help but agree. 

“We’ll be the judges of that,” Matt took the packet of papers from Lainie and passed them to Clay. “You don’t have to sign them right now. You don’t even have to agree if you are not comfortable with this. Take the time, read it over, and then let us know.” 

Justin hesitated before looking over at Clay. “Yeah that sounds good. When do you want our decision?” 

“Sometime tomorrow, if that’s okay?” Lainie waited for their nods of agreement before exchanging another secretive smile with Matt. “So I got my amnio results back today.” 

The chair beside Justin scraped rather unsteadily against the floor as Clay sat up straighter. “And? Everything okay?” 

“Everything is fine. The baby is perfectly healthy.” 

A shudder ran down Justin’s spine and he felt himself sliding down in his own chair, relief practically sagging his shoulders. “That’s wonderful.” He had read up as much as he could on geriatric pregnancies and the statistics had scared the shit out of him. Not just the health risks to the baby, but to the mother as well. He didn’t want to even entertain the thought of losing Lainie. 

“We also found out the sex,” Matt added and there’s that stupid secret smile again. “Go ahead, Lain.” 

Their mother’s face brought out into a grin that was like a beam of sunshine. “Boys, you’re having a sister.” 

Justin and Clay signed the guardianship papers that night. 

-;

“Claire.”

“Veto.”

“Brittany.”

“Veto.”

“Jamie.”

“Veto.”

“ _Why?_ Jamie’s a nice name!”

“Oh please, Jamie Jensen? She’s gonna be JJ in a heartbeat.”

“And what’s wrong with JJ?”

“It’s a dorky name.” 

“You’re a dork.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

-;

“Are you two out of your minds? After all the bickering you did the other night, do you really think I’m going to let you pick a name for your sister?” 

“But we have the perfect name!” Clay protested, his voice slipping into a whine. 

Lainie crossed her arms on top of her swollen belly, eyes narrowed in distrust. “I swear if you picked something like _Stormy_ I’m gonna --” 

Clay quickly interrupted before Lainie could go off on another hormonal rant. Those had been common these past couple of weeks and Justin had learned to just take them as they go. He’d never been in close proximity with a pregnant person before so every day was a new day. And to be perfectly honest, Justin didn’t mind it one bit. “Eleanor.” 

Lainie opened her mouth to object before freezing, her hand raised upwards. “Oh. _Oh.”_

“So...what do you think?” 

“It means ‘bright shining one’ in Greek,” Justin offered. “We both thought it was appropriate after -” 

“Everything we’ve gone through,” Clay interrupted. Justin nodded in agreement, and they both looked at their mother expectantly. 

Lainie was quiet for a moment and to their horror, they realized she was crying. Clay was already backing away, whispering, “ _Hormones,”_ under his breath and Justin was ready to punch him before Lainie wiped her eyes and sniffled. “Eleanor is a beautiful name, boys. A perfect one. Eleanor Jensen.” 

“Makes her sound like an eighty nine year old mystery author,” Justin jokes. 

Their mother laughs wetly and before Clay can sneak away, grabs both of their hands and yanks them down into a clumsy hug. Clay wriggles away first, grumbling about his hair being mussed up but Justin stays, managing to gently wrap his arm around Lainie’s shoulders but not before his elbow accidentally bumps the top of her stomach. Lainie waves away his apologies, grabbing his hand again and placing it on her belly. “Feel that?” 

At first Justin feels nothing and he almost says so. And then it happens. 

Just one tiny bump against his palm, but it’s so sudden that he jerks his hand away in surprise. Before replacing it he waits for Lainie’s nod of approval. The baby seems to erupt with excitement and he feels dozens of happy punches and kicks against his hand. “She’s talking to you.” 

Clay moves back into his mother’s other side, his hand settling on her stomach next to Justin’s. Lainie grunts when Eleanor’s kicks begin in threefold, and Justin laughs, his eyes meeting Clay’s over the top of Lainie’s head. “That’s our sister, Jensen.” 

_Wow._

-;

Graduation draws nearer and so does the baby's due date. Exams were finishing this week and Justin was sure he was about to drop on the floor. His Government final (politicians sucked _ass)_ and his Math final were done. English was today and of course his nerves were through the roof because that was his father's _thing_ and Matt had been working so hard with him so he could grab that A that he wanted so badly and if he didn't get it - well -- 

"Hey don't forget, Mom's baby shower is today. Luckily it's during our English final so we won't have to be here when the house is stuffed full of women cooing over Mom and her belly." 

Justin chuckles. "Yeah did you get the baby blanket wrapped up?" 

Clay holds up the package in question. "Yeah, I'll drop it on the table downstairs. Are you ready to go?" 

"Yeah go ahead, I'll be right down." Clay leaves the room with the wrapped gift. Justin paws around in his dresser drawer before he digs up the card he had bought for Lainie and Matt a few weeks ago and follows his brother down the stairs. He lays the card on top of the rapidly growing pile of gifts and trots after Clay, but not before grabbing the waffles that Matt had left for them on the kitchen counter. 

The final goes better than he expected. They don't have much time to breathe once the last student exits from the gymnasium and pretty much collapses on the floor. A few moments to grab water and run to the bathroom before their tables are cleared and their science exams are laid down. They file back in, and another agonizing three hours later their little bizarre group shuffles from the gym and outside. 

"Man I am _starving,"_ Zach exclaims, throwing his arms around Alex's shoulders. "How about we all go get pizza?" 

Before Justin can agree, because who is he to turn down food, his phone begins to buzz. Clay's goes off too and after a moment of shared panic, they see that Matt had sent them both a picture of Lainie he had taken at the baby shower. Their mother is beaming from ear to ear, holding up the brightly colored blanket for the camera. Matt had captioned the photo, 'The Countdown Begins'. 

"Your dad's a nerd, Jensen," Alex offers, peeking over Justin's shoulder. 

"And your dad isn't?" Justin counters. 

Alex holds up his hands in surrender. "Touche." 

"I think we're gonna go home actually, but raincheck?" Clay asks Zach. 

Zach smiles. "It's gonna be great, guys," he adds with a fond expression. "She's gonna drive you two absolutely crazy but you're gonna have this protective thing where if anyone even _looks_ at your sister, you're gonna want to rip their heads off." 

"It truly is," Tony agreed. "At first she's going to be this screeching, crying, whining little thing that will demand all of your parents' attention. And then one day, _boom,_ you have this tiny person that wants to see the world and wants to follow every step that you make. At least until she realizes what idiots you two are." 

Everyone started to laugh. Clay rolled his eyes and Justin just smiled. Tony wasn't wrong, he and Clay were complete morons most of the time. But as their friends watched them, encouraging and hopeful, he felt hope rise inside of him as well. The nerves he had been struggling with for these past weeks seemed to ease back to a dull roar, and were slowly being replaced by more excitement. Yeah, he could do this. He could be a big brother. 

-;

He gets an A on his English final, and Clay is made valedictorian because of course he is. 

Graduation morning finally comes and the Jensen house is chaos. "I cannot believe that that stupid school scheduled the ceremony at five but we have to be there five hours early," Lainie hisses as she waddles from the bathroom for the third time in the last hour. "Matt we better make sure there's like four bathrooms in our vicinity. This baby is playing hopscotch on my bladder every fifteen minutes." 

Matt doesn't look up from the stove where he was shoveling burned pancakes onto a plate. "Yes dear." That was a rarity. Justin had always said that if Matt ever wanted to quit being a teacher, he would be set for life as a chef. "Boys, your gowns are hanging up in the laundry room. Grab them now and get them to the car or you know we will forget them." 

Clay and Justin hastened to obey without arguing, and Clay goes out to check the mail once they have finished. Justin heads back inside to a kitchen that is minus one Matt and Lainie by herself, both of her hands gripping the counter as she breathed deeply. "Are you all right?" 

Lainie nodded. "I'm having some back pain this morning, but I'm fine. Are you ready to go?" 

"Yeah, Clay's just getting the mail and we will be set." 

The burned pancakes are tossed into the trash and no one really bothers with food except for the sleeve of saltines that goes into Lainie's bag. Whoever said morning sickness just happened in the morning and only in the first few months of pregnancy was obviously stupid and obviously a man. 

The drive to Liberty High is thankfully short, and he and Clay are out of the car before Matt even stops it. Zach and Tony wave from the steps, a grumbling Jessica hanging onto Alex's arm as she tries to adjust the heel of her shoe. "Hey Jensens, one and two." 

"Hey." Justin leans in to press a quick kiss to Jess' cheek, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "How much crap do we have to go through before we can get our diplomas and get the hell out of here?" 

"Pictures," Sheri's coming up the steps, Tyler right behind her. "Many, many pictures. And then there's the song, and the band we have to listen too." 

"Oh yes, the great 'goodbye song' or some trash like that," Tony's chuckling. "And then the ceremony itself is what - over an hour?" 

"Clay's speech is over an hour." 

"Shut the fuck up, Justin." 

_"Children."_

-;

The day moves quicker than expected and before Justin knows it, they are all packed onto a stage, roasting in their dark blue gowns under the hot California summer sun. 

"Now this year's class valedictorian, Clayton Jensen, will give his speech." 

Clay eases from his seat and moves to the podium, the tassel from his cap swaying in front of his face. Justin crosses his fingers and Jess turns around to wink at him before they settle into their seats to wait out what is inevitably going to be a very boring speech from his Mr. Perfect brother. 

"Before I start, I'm going to say right up front that I am not going to give that basic 'Run into the future and have fun' speech because to be honest, that's boring as hell." Their classmates snicker and Justin rolls his eyes. "These past two years have been difficult for us. We've been forced to grow up in a time when we should have been holding onto our childhoods and being big stupid kids. But that's okay, because we see now that life is not going to be the sugar and roses that we are told it will be when we were little. Life...life is hard. Some people continue to fight and some people don't. And that's okay. It truly is. What matters the most is that during life, there is also love. And the love we share for each other here is immensely powerful. It's something that just cannot be broken.

"In three days time, my mother will give birth to a baby girl. To become a big brother to a little sister is quite a terrifying prospect, especially at this time but now, as I stand here and look at all of you, I realize how excited I am. Her being born is not just the beginning for her, it's a new beginning for me and my whole family. Beginnings are hard, especially when we are comfortable with a story that we know has a happy ending. It's simple to just go back to the start and play it again and again, but sometimes you have to close that book, or shut off that tape and begin something new. And so we will today. Tonight we will walk out of here as adults and we will begin our new stories.

"Francis Bacon said 'In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present'. I think about that a lot now as I get ready to move on. I miss the people I lost and their physical absence will always be felt, but now I can feel their light. I can feel their presence in my family, in my friends, and in my own heart. We will always do that. We will always feel those we have lost, and we will always hold onto each other, even when we are apart. Good luck everyone. I love you all." 

-;

"Clayton Jensen." 

Clay moved out of his seat again and walked across the stage to accept his diploma from the principal. Matt was up at the front, ready to take the pictures and he snapped probably about ten once the diploma was in Clay's hand. 

"Justin F. Jensen." 

Justin let out a huge sigh of relief, rising to his feet and trotting across the stage to where Clay and the principal waited. He made it about ten feet before a scream of pain shattered through the air. 

_"Mom?!"_

Lainie clutched at her stomach, breathing heavily. "I think your sister is a little more anxious to get here then I thought. _No!"_ she shouts, ignoring the stares of several hundred people as Matt goes to lower his camera and the boys start to move from the stage. "I have waited four years for this! Now you give my son the diploma right now!" The principal hastens to obey, almost stuffing the diploma into Justin's hand. "Matt, take the pictures!" Justin slaps on what he hopes is a convincing grin and Matt's camera clicks about ten more times. Lainie sags against the seat in front of her and probably would have slid right to the ground if her neighbor didn't grab her and prop her up. "Okay, let's go." 

And they're off. 

.

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	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Lots of schmoop and sap ahead. Enjoy!

[[ music ]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iQN672qtvY)

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_“Justin?”_

_He’s currently battling with some horrible algebra that he hates so fucking much. Why does he need to know what the square root of x is? Is he really going to use this in his day to day life? What a crock of bullshit. “Yeah?” His eyes settle on Lainie’s stomach first when he drags them off of his schoolwork, before they scan up to see his laptop in her hands. “Um…” Shit, did he leave some porn up for her to see? She didn’t look pissed, she looked more...worried? Double shit, he didn’t need some lecture if that was what she was preparing for him. “Anything wrong?”_

_Lainie sets his laptop down on the kitchen table. “First thing, I owe you a big apology.”_

_Justin blinked in surprise. “You...owe me?”_

_“Yes.” Lainie’s own gaze flickered down to the computer screen. “I was putting away laundry and I spotted this open, I did not mean to read it, I really didn’t and you have every right to be angry at me because it’s a gross invasion of privacy and --”_

_“Lainie!” His mother fell quiet. “What’s wrong?”_

_She turned the computer around and his stomach dropped when he saw what exactly she was talking about. His google searches from this morning. Stupid Clay had been using his computer last night, too lazy to pull out his own and he must have changed the display time because now the laptop didn’t go to sleep when it was inactive for a certain amount of time._

Are adoptive kids returned if a biological baby is born? 

_Justin’s face was burning and he did not want to look up. As it turns out, he really doesn’t have too because the chair beside him is being pulled out and there’s a slender but strong hand wrapping around his upper arm and pulling him right up out of that chair. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Jensen, I --” And then, to his grand surprise, Lainie wraps him in an embrace so tight it’s rather stifling._

_It takes a couple of shocked moments before his own arms come up and wrap around her. He can feel the baby dancing inside of Lainie’s stomach and she gives him a mighty kick right at his own midsection, hard enough to make him gasp and pull back. “Whoa!”_

_Lainie’s laughing, but tears still fall down her face. She grabs his face in both of her hands and brings him in close. “I want you to listen to me, Justin Jensen, and listen good. You are my son. You are Matt’s son. You are Clay’s brother and you are Eleanor’s brother. Nothing will ever change that, do you understand me?” Her hands trembled against his face and he shook too. “Do you hear me?”_

_Justin managed to nod, his eyes closing against the burn of tears. An intense relief coursed through him in waves and he wasn’t ashamed to admit later on that he snuggled back into Lainie’s arms and allowed himself to be five years old, feeling her stomach and feeling his sister (_ his _sister!) move and wiggle around. Lainie’s patience is endearing as she answers all of his questions about what will happen after Eleanor is born. She promises to give him lessons in formula feedings, diaper changings (which don’t sound fun at all), the works and he eats up every word. “Don’t worry, Clay will be suffering too,” Lainie chuckles when she sees his alarmed face after telling him about the two am feedings and the high possibility of colic. “This is going to be a team effort. I just get all the credit because I do the hardest part.”_

_Justin bursts out laughing. “I agree.”_

_Her arms wrap around him again, pulling him in to press a kiss to his temple. A sigh escapes his lips and Justin lets his eyes fall closed and relaxes into her hug, feeling for the first time in a very long time, loved._

_-;_

“Ow, ow, ow, ow Mom, broken fingers!” 

Justin slaps the back of Clay’s head. “Break his fingers. Ow!” He rubs at the spot on his shoulder where Clay had just hit hi. 

“I’m gonna break your face!” Clay retorts. 

The SUV does a sudden right turn and Matt’s growling, “If you two don’t knock it off right this second I’m gonna --” 

“Oh thank god we’re here!” Matt slams on the breaks so heavily so they don’t actually miss the ER parking lot entrance that Clay lurches against his seatbelt and Justin, who doesn’t have his on, slams into the back of the front seat. They both leap out before the car is actually parked and there’s a nurse and a medic already running out the electric doors with a wheelchair. 

Lainie lets out a grunt and Clay leaps out of the way to avoid getting a stream of water all over his shoes. “Holy shit is that --” 

“I think this baby is a little anxious to make the first appearance!” the nurse helps Matt usher Lainie into the chair. “Let’s get you into L&D, honey. Come along, Dad!” 

“Uh --” Justin glances helplessly at Clay. “Where do we go?” 

“Delivery’s on the second floor so there’s got to be a waiting room there,” Clay tugs on his arm. “Let’s go.” 

Matt disappears after Lainie through those doors without a backwards glance and their sons follow. The elevator brings them upstairs and suddenly, there’s nothing to do. The last two hours had been absolute chaos and now, the calm before the storm was rather unsettling. Justin didn’t like sitting still, but now he had no choice. 

“How long does it usually take to have a baby?” he asks. 

Clay strips off his graduation gown, folding it into a neat square. “If Mom’s fully dilated then probably about an hour. Unless there’s complications.” 

“Which there’s _not_ going to be,” Justin says firmly. 

His brother nods in agreement. “Absolutely. Mom’s gonna be fine. Our sister is going to be fine and by this time next week none of us will have slept longer than thirty minutes.” 

Justin liked the sound of that. 

-;

Their friends start showing up within the hour. Jess is there first, dragging an agitated Tyler behind her practically by the ear. “What are you guys doing here?” Justin asks as he holds out an arm for Jess to take. “You didn’t have to come.” 

Jess smacks a kiss to his cheek. “Yes we did,” she says rather simply, like that’s answer enough for all of them. 

Zach and May show up too, and Tyler, Tony, and Sheri aren’t too far behind. Clay accepts the hug that Tony offers him, burying his face in his friend’s shoulder for just a moment longer than usual, trying to squash the worry that was mounting inside of him. Tony claps him on the shoulder. “Heard anything yet?” 

Clay shook his head. “No, not yet.” 

“Your mom’s gonna be fine,” Tony assures him. “Try not to worry.” 

“It’s hard not too,” Justin admits, Jess tucked tightly under his arm. 

“True,” Zach agrees. “But your mom’s a badass. This is going to be easy for her.” 

Their friends’ share a collective murmur of agreement. Tyler’s got his camera and he pulls it out, holding the lens up to his eye. “I want to capture some of this,” he says rather loudly. Justin doesn’t have it in him to argue and tries to ignore the snapping of the shutter. 

He starts pacing at the second hour. Each of their friends take turns walking the floor with him and dragging him out into the hallway. Clay takes over in the last hour, and they shift easily around each other as they turn and pace once again. 

_One, two, three, turn._

_Three, two, one, turn._

He breathes and breathes, gently rejecting the water Alex offers him. “Thanks, but if I have anything I’ll puke.” 

Hour three comes and Clay looks like he’s ready to climb the walls. His brother doesn’t protest too much when Sheri changes places with him and drags him down the hallway and around the corner, probably to get something out of the vending machines that were down there. 

When hour five comes, so does Matt. The exhausted smiles tells Justin everything he needs to know. “You boys wanna meet your sister?” 

-;

“How’s Mom?” Justin asks as they follow their dad. 

Matt wraps both arms around their shoulders. “She’s perfect.” He leads them down a slightly narrower hallway to a door marked RECOVERY. “These are my sons,” Matt whispers to the nurse that stops them and she moves out of the way to let them through. There’s a curtained area at the very end of the elongated room and Matt gently pulls it back to reveal their mother holding the tiniest bundle in her arms. 

Justin gasps softly, grabbing Clay’s hand without shame. Clay holds his just as fiercely, the other one coming up to gently wrap around their mother in a lopsided hug. “How are you?” 

Lainie beams, tears sliding down her face. “I’m fantastic.” The bundle in her arms has a little face. A perfect little face with a tiny chin and a nose that looks quite a bit like Clay’s and oh god, she’s _here._ “Who wants to hold her first?” 

“I will.” Clay releases Justin’s hand and holds his own out after settling into the chair beside the bed. Lainie eases Eleonor into Matt’s arms, who eases her into Clay’s. Justin can see a few whisps of dark brown hair on the top of her soft head and he can tell already she’s going to look like Clay. Clay makes a small noise, gazing down in awe. And for the first time since Justin had known Clay, the first time since he had truly found his _brother,_ he sees no darkness or pain in his eyes. “She’s amazing.” 

Matt settles down against Lainie’s side, his arms wrapping around her. “She certainly is.” 

“She looks like you, Clay,” Lainie yawns. 

“Poor kid.” Justin holds back a laugh. “Come on, get over here.” 

The smile dies on his lips. “Me?” 

“No, the guy smoking weed on the corner,” Clay snarks. “Yes, you, idiot.” He’s feeling rather like a newborn giraffe on roller skates as he stumbles over to the seat that Clay just vacated, settling down into it. “Hold out your hands. No, not that far. You’re not catching a baseball. There, perfect.” 

The moment that Eleanor Michaela Jensen is placed in his arms, Justin is _sure_ he’s going to drop her. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t drop her and she actually doesn’t start screaming like he expects her too. Muddy blue eyes, framed by long blond eyelashes, gaze up at him and Christ almighty, she is _perfect._

He’s never seen anything quite so beautiful in all of his life. A burning starts to bruise his chest, a flame of the deepest love taking root and spreading throughout his veins, threatening to swallow him whole. He gets it now. He understands what Tony, Jess, and Zach had all meant. That beautiful _ache_ that takes you in, because now there’s a life. A little life that is dependent upon _him._

His name is Justin Foley Jensen. His parents are Elaine and Matthew Jensen. His brother is Clayton Jensen. His sister is Eleanor Jensen. 

And he loves. He loves, he loves, he loves. 

-;

_Dear Eli,_

_Today is your birthday. Twice, I suppose? You won’t read this until your eighteenth birthday but I am writing it the night you were born and wow, what a night that was. Clay and I graduated from high school tonight too. And you decided you couldn’t wait just one more day and took all of the attention from us. =) I have a feeling that is what it’s going to be like forever and ever but to be perfectly honest, I am perfectly fine with that. I held you after you were born and you were this tiny, squishy, perfect little thing. You cried when Clay picked you up, but you didn’t with me. Remember that! You picked me as your favorite brother since birth!_

_You know, you’re really lucky. You got the Jensens as your family. They are….amazing. There’s no other way to put it. Our dad is - well a nerd. He quotes lines from books I’ve never even heard of, cracks jokes that are about a hundred years old and expects me and Clay to get them. But he’s patient. He’s kind. And he doesn’t put up with our shit at all. You will probably have him wrapped around your finger though. Use it, you will have the power! You will also be able to go to him about anything._ Anything. _He will never judge you. He will be the best friend you ever had._

_You’re named after our mom. She doesn’t know this and I don’t think it really dawned on Clay either. I didn’t want to be obvious when I chose the name. Lainie is...Lainie is. She’s your first protector. Your first warrior. She doesn’t break. She’s loving, and patient, and isn’t afraid to knock my and Clay’s heads together when we’re being stupid. You will have the best parts of her and of Matt._

_And then there’s Clay. Clay was the valedictorian of our graduating class. Because of course he was. Clay’s a perfectionist. He doesn’t stop until everything is just right, and that’s okay. He’s also stubborn_ as hell. _He didn’t give up until he dragged me from the darkness I had lived in and right into the light. Without him I wouldn’t be here today. You’re very lucky to have him as your big brother. And so am I. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had, and he’s never given up on me and on those he loves. He will never give up on you._

_Your name is Eleanor, which in Greek, means ‘shining light’ or ‘the bright one’. You came into our lives at a time where light was needed the most. So be that light, kid. Hold onto it and never let it go. And remember how deeply you are loved._

_Love, your brother, Justin._

.

.

.

“Stop squirming!” 

“I am not squirming!” 

“Yes you are.” 

“Shut up Clay.” 

“You shut up.” 

“Boys, why is Ben acting more mature then the two of you?” 

“Sorry Dad.” 

“Yeah, sorry Dad.” 

Jess groaned, slapping her palm to her forehead. 

They assembled slowly into the gym. Lainie and Matt headed off to the roped off section that was for parents only and he, Jess, Clay, and Kate eased over to the bleachers. Ben squirmed in his arms, whining softly against his neck. “He’s not wet and he got fed before we came in here. Stop worrying.” 

“We should have gotten a sitter,” Jess murmured, her own arms wrapped securely around Daniel’s sleeping form. 

“Well I’m sorry that none of the teenagers were available to babysit our twins since they are all here!” Justin snarked. Clay groaned dramatically, letting his head flop against Kate’s shoulder. “What?”

Clay held up a hand. “If you two don’t stop bickering -” 

“I’ll knock your heads together,” Kate interrupted and Clay laughed. Justin glanced at Kate’s muscled arms and believed her, shutting right up. 

It didn’t take long for the graduates to come out and settle down into their seats. “There’s Eli!” Jess pointed a delicate arm towards the middle of the sea of blue gowns and Justin recognized Eli’s traditional dark glossy braid hanging down her back, one that he had done up this morning for her with his mother’s careful guidance. She looked up then, first finding their parents in the sectioned off seats before her blue gaze settling on them. 

Clay waved and Justin stuck out his tongue and crossed his eyes, ignoring the slap that Clay aimed at his shoulder. “Behave!” 

“What? I’m the picture of good behavior!” 

Kate snorted and Justin ignored her. “Your wife is judgemental, Jensen.” 

“And your wife isn’t?” 

“Hey how did I get dragged into this?” 

“Shut up, they’re starting.” 

The principal gave his speech and thank god Bolan had finally retired not long after his own graduation. Greg Davis was a much better replacement. The school had a distinct lack of bullshit happening since then. “And now our class valedictorian, Eleanor Jensen, will give her speech.” 

Eli eased out of her seat and then nearly tripped over her neighbor’s foot. Justin felt his face heat up in second hand embarrassment for his sister. Eli’s klutziness was of course going to come out to play today. 

“It’s a good thing I wore sneakers today,” Eli says as she gets up to the podium. “Or that could have been a disaster.” Clay snickers and Justin hides his own laugh. “So, I just want to say, today is my birthday. Eighteen years ago today, I was born and eighteen years ago today, my brothers and sister in law graduated from this high school. I call that quite an accomplishment on my part.” The audience chuckles and Justin can see the flash of his mother’s camera. “But I digress, my birth is not the most important part of this day -” 

“I see the Jensen smartass-ery is out to play today,” Kate offers with a grin. 

“Today we graduate from high school. And tomorrow we begin our lives. Our school years were just the first book in the series of our stories. Tomorrow we start the second book, and I have to be honest, I am so excited for it. When my brother gave his valedictorian speech, he said a really good Francis Bacon quote. ‘In order for the light to shine so brightly, the dark must be present’. He was right. Bacon and my brother. The light always shines, it will always burn brightly but we have to get ourselves together enough to look for it.” 

Clay grabbed Justin’s free hand and held on tight. 

“Well my quote is this. ‘Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine.’ Mario Fernandez said that and well he’s right. Every day in our life will be a storm we weather. But we can do it. We can rise up through and continue to kick some serious ass.” Jess’ gasp turned on a dime into a laugh. “I’m sorry, principal Davis, I promised I wouldn’t swear!” Greg Davis didn’t even look up from his spot by the matted walls, shaking his head. “But it’s really true. And I guess that’s all I can really offer to myself and my classmates. Go out and kick some butt and take some names. But never forget those around you. You are so deeply loved and cared for. Never let that go. I love you all. Good luck.” 

Clay and Kate got to their feet as applause echoed through the gymnasium. Justin clapped as best he could around the baby strapped to his chest. Lainie was darting forward to snap as many pictures as she could of Eli, who posed with Greg as she accepted her diploma first and then flashed a peace sign and stuck her tongue out. As she retook her place in line, her eyes found them and she raised both fists into the air in victory. 

She had done it and so had they. 

They lived. 

-;

Eli found the letter on her dresser much later that night. Her brothers had left already, but not without her peppering her nephews’ faces with many kisses. Ben had screeched in delight and Daniel had puked on her dress but she didn’t really care. The dress had been discarded and she was wearing her favorite sweats and one of Clay’s old teeshirts she had swiped the last time he had visited home. 

The letter looked old, the corners of the pages yellowed with age. “Jeez, is this from grandma or something?” she wondered out loud before picking it up and settling down into bed. The answer is obvious when she spots Justin’s scrawled handwriting. “He’s such a -” The thought dies on her lips and her mind as she starts to read. 

Tears fall down her face and onto her pillow, fingers trembling slightly. Her phone lays on her bedside table and with her hands still shaking, she dials Justin’s number and hits the Facetime button. 

Justin’s tired face pops up on her screen. “ _We haven’t even gotten out of the airport yet. There better be a good reason for this.”_

Eli held up the pages and Justin’s eyes softened. “You are the biggest sap I have ever met, Justin Jensen.” Her brother grins, his face warm with love. “Thank you. I love you too.” 

“ _Good night, graduate. Sleep well.”_

And then he’s gone. Eli carefully folds the letter back up and places it on the table under her phone. She would find a place to put it in the morning. 

For now, she sleeps. 

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap look at me I actually finished a fic! *happy dance* 
> 
> So the rest of the series is going to fill in what happened in those 18 years between Eli's birth and graduation. I hope you enjoyed and please drop me a kudos and review. Love to all of you.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a series that will have about 10 parts all together. Once the second chapter is posted, I will explain more. 
> 
> Thanks guys. Drop me a kudos and a comment!
> 
> ps. Follow me @jediorgana on tumblr.


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